Communicating with children about COVID-19
If you’re a key worker parent or carer, Dr Sarah Helps, a clinical psychologist and consultant family therapist at the Tavistock Clinic in North London, has shared this short podcast about family communication during the COVID pandemic.
Transcript
Sarah Helps [00:00:01] Hello, my name is Dr Sarah Helps, I’m a consultant, clinical psychologist and consultant, family therapist at the Tavistock Clinic in North London. This is a short podcast about family communication during the COVID pandemic.
Sarah Helps [00:00:16] It’s designed for parents and carers who are wondering how to talk to their children about COVID in relation to being a key worker and addresses some of the questions that children might ask of their key working parents.
Sarah Helps [00:00:36] We know that communication within families is very diverse based on family, cultural, spiritual, religious ideas and past experiences. We also know that parents are the people who know their children best and are the people who know best how to communicate about tricky things with their children.
Sarah Helps [00:01:02] We also know that not all conversations go well. From my own experience as a parent as well as a professional, I know that it’s better to try to talk about difficult issues, to fail, to get it wrong, to be clumsy and to try again through practice. That’s what enables parents and children to communicate most effectively.
Sarah Helps [00:01:26] In recent weeks children have asked a range of questions about COVID in relation to their key working parents.
Sarah Helps [00:01:35] Are you going to catch COVID?
Sarah Helps [00:01:37] Who will look after me if you do?
Sarah Helps [00:01:39] Will you die?
Sarah Helps [00:01:42] Why do you have to be a key worker?
Sarah Helps [00:01:44] Why can’t you stay at home like my friend’s parents?
Sarah Helps [00:01:47] Why do I have to go to school when you go to work?
Sarah Helps [00:01:49] Is it safe to go to school?
Sarah Helps [00:01:52] If it’s safe to go to school, why can’t I go out with my friends?
Sarah Helps [00:01:56] Have you got enough PPE?
Sarah Helps [00:01:58] Will you die?
Sarah Helps [00:01:59] When will lockdown end?
[00:02:00] These are some of the questions that we have been helping parents think about how to respond to. There are no straightforward answers. The important thing is to rehearse, to prepare, particularly for the questions that you might find most difficult. Take a bit of time, work out for yourself what the most challenging questions might be, and then create a space for your children. Let them know that there is nothing they can’t ask you in these very tricky times.
[00:02:34] Again, conversations are likely to be difficult. They’re likely to be messy, they’re likely to be full of big emotions. That’s okay. You will feel emotional, as will your child, your child’s developmental age, stage, the intellectual ability, the problem solving and their social abilities will all affect how you might respond to the kinds of questions they will be considering. Be brave. Give it a go. Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t go well the first time. There’s plenty of opportunities to go back and review. Best of luck with these important, complicated conversations.
Communication within families is very diverse based on family, cultural, spiritual, religious ideas and past experiences. We also know that parents are the people who know their children best and are the people who know best how to communicate about tricky things with their children.
Some things to consider about how to talk
- Are you a family who talks lots or little about worries and feelings?
- What family, cultural, spiritual ideas do you draw on when talking about worrying things?
- What’s the question you most dread your child asking?
Take a bit of time, work out for yourself what the most challenging questions might be, and then create a space for your children. Let them know that there is nothing they can’t ask you in these very tricky times.
Thinking about when and where to talk
- Do you usually talk best in the car or bus, or at bedtime?
- If you talk best in the car or bus, how can you create a similar side-by-side environment? e.g. by doing the washing-up together, playing a video game or some other daily activity?
- Keep opening up a space in which your child might ask questions. It doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t make use of the space, the important thing is for them to know that the space is there
Your child’s developmental age, stage, the intellectual ability, the problem solving and their social abilities will all affect how you might respond to the kinds of questions they will be considering.
Working through the conversation
- Focus on what the child needs – if you aren’t sure what the child is asking, explore their question, don’t avoid
- Wonder out loud how they might be feeling
- Be realistic and optimistic, tell the truth in a way that a child can understand
- Acknowledge that living through a pandemic is a very scary time and that lots of people have big, messy feelings. Both children and adults might have big feelings that they don’t understand and that is very normal
Be brave. Give it a go. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t go well the first time. There’s plenty of opportunities to go back and review. It’s better to try to talk about difficult issues, to fail, to get it wrong, to be clumsy and to try again through practice. That’s what enables parents and children to communicate most effectively.
Helping you manage
- Rehearse answers to the questions you most dread
- Share your child’s worries with a trusted relative or friend, so that they can also support your child. You can also use support groups. It’s always better to communicate
- If talking is tricky then try drawing about feelings, swapping emojis via text messages or keeping a COVID-19 diary to map thoughts, feelings and questions
It’s OK to say you don’t know and that you will find out, but do come back to the subject if only to give an update that you still don’t know.